Healing Unexpected Grief with Feeding Your Demons® (FYD)
Life Advice from my Allies — A Powerful yet Compassionate Bear
Most people expect some level of physical recovery after cataract surgery. What I didn’t expect was the wave of emotions, especially grief, that caught me completely off guard.
Thankfully, I had a trusted resource: Feeding Your Demons® (FYD), a meditative process I’ve worked with for years. This practice gave me a way to meet my emotions with curiosity and compassion, and what emerged was more profound than I could have imagined.
A Miracle… and a Mystery
I recently underwent cataract surgery, and the experience has left me with an almost unspeakable gratitude. I’ve always been extremely myopic, unable to see anything more than a few inches in front of my face.
Because my condition wasn’t diagnosed until I entered school, I grew up navigating the world with a “clumsy” label. My movement and development were shaped by that early limitation. When I finally received very thick glasses and later, contact lenses, my world opened up. But even then, my vision was always something I had to manage, something I could never fully rely on.
So to now see clearly, without corrective lenses, feels like a miracle. A massive part of me is joyful, giddy, disbelieving. I understand now the awe-filled stories of friends who’ve gone through the same procedure. I am rejoicing.
And then, just days after the second surgery was completed, as I gathered to discard all of my lenses, I found myself CRYING? Why this deep grief? I have NOTHING to mourn!
Feeding Your Demons® (FYD) to the Rescue
To find answers, I turned to the most direct and compassionate tool I know: Feeding Your Demons® (FYD).
FYD is a meditative process created by Lama Tsultrim Allione, drawing on Tibetan Buddhist wisdom and integrating modern psychological insight. Rather than rejecting or battling your emotional pain, FYD invites you to give form to your emotion, dialogue with it, discover what it needs, and offer it what it’s truly hungry for.
This is not about fixing or suppressing. It’s about transformation through compassion.
The Demon Appears
As I entered the FYD process and gave form to the “demon” of my grief, what emerged shocked me: an image of my mother. She was smaller than life-size, slightly hunched, middle-aged, and carrying a visible weight of sorrow and regret.
In the FYD method, you don’t just observe the demon—you step into it, to feel what it feels and understand its unmet needs. As I merged with this image, I felt waves of sadness, self-blame, and longing. She needed reassurance, to know that I was okay, that I didn’t blame her, and that her guilt could be released.
Note: This wasn’t literally my mother. FYD doesn’t involve communicating with external figures. Instead, the image was a mirror of my own inner world, perhaps a part of me shaped by her, or a part of me carrying emotional patterns I associated with her.
Feeding the Demon
I offered this demon the nectar of Calm and Blamelessness, and the image began to shift. I saw a quiet forest, and within it, a small cabin. Inside the cabin was a cozy bed. My mother-image had transformed into a young child, who crawled under the blankets to rest.
Then a bear entered the cabin. She was enormous, peaceful, and powerful. She lay beside the child protectively. The bear was my ally, a figure of fierce compassion and steady presence. Her eyes were wise and kind. She radiated a grounded strength that felt deeply familiar.
She spoke to me.
The Ally’s Wisdom
“This is a big step—to let go of something you’ve relied on since childhood. Take your time.
Honor these glasses and lenses. They supported you for decades. They made life possible.
You believed you were independent, but you were always dependent on these tools. Now you are not. And at your age, this is HUGE. It’s as if one of your final excuses to hold back has fallen away. You are being invited to blossom.
With liberation comes ability. With ability comes the possibility of response-ability—responsibility. And yes, that’s frightening. Take your time to assimilate this truth.
You can always return to this cabin. Rest with me, with us. This kind of support is not draining—it’s balanced, healthy, empowering.
This is a metaphor for your whole life right now. Trust that you are where you need to be. The path forward may not be a straight line, but you are being guided. You are not alone.
Many blessings.”
Integration
As I rested in that vision, within the cabin, beside the bear, I felt a new kind of safety. A quiet inner power. I didn’t suddenly have all the answers. But I no longer felt overwhelmed by the grief. Something had shifted.
Through Feeding Your Demons®, I had uncovered the emotional residue beneath a physical transformation. I had honored the past, tended to the sorrow, and opened to something new.
Now, I move forward with clearer vision—inside and out—and a deeper trust in the unseen support all around me.
If my experience resonates with you, you’re warmly invited to join a free online FYD session I offer once a month. Click here for more information and to register, and discover your own inner allies. 🙏